|The Vampire Diaries|
|Season 1, Episode 5|
|Air date||October 8th 2009|
|Written by||Sean Reycraft & Gabrielle Stanton|
|Directed by||Kevin Bray|
|Episode Guide transcript|
You're Undead to Me is the fifth episode of the First Season and the series.
NOTHING HURTS MORE, THAN THE TRUTH — Stefan is hopeful that his plan to get rid of Damon is working. Elena and Jenna are concerned about Jeremy's relationship with Vicki. Stefan decides to reveal parts of his past to Elena. At a fund-raising car wash Bonnie is surprised by abilities she didn't know she possessed, and seeks advice from her grandmother. Meanwhile, Elena hears a disturbing story about the Salvatore family from a stranger.
|Damon has been in the basement for three days; Stefan explains this when Damon asks how long he's been in there. Stefan says that he is taking Damon to their family's crypt and explains that Damon's skin will desiccate in a week and he will become a living corpse, unable to hurt anyone. He explains that Damon won't need his ring anymore.
Elena wakes up and tries to write in her journal, but can't decide what to write. She goes to the bathroom and finds Vicki brushing her teeth. A confused Elena goes downstairs and asks Jenna if she is aware that Vicki is in the house. Jenna seems fine with it. Jenna sees her ex-boyfriend Logan on the news, and she and Elena discuss Stefan's absence, and Elena mocks the message Stefan sent her, mimicking it.
Caroline talks to Tiki via the phone about which outfit to wear, and sees a shadow. She freaks out, and ends her conversation with Tiki. Damon's compulsion has begun to work. Stefan looks at his brother from the cell door, and Damon tells him that the lies will catch up to him, as long as he keeps lying to himself about what he is. At the school, Elena learns the car wash's rules from Caroline, before Caroline "scolds" and "judges" their clothing choices. A man arrives with his car, hoping it will get washed, and Tiki comments that it is a "POS". Bonnie, angered with Tiki's attitude, makes the hose run and Tiki gets wet in the process.
Jenna watches Logan as he reports from the car wash. Elena offers to have Stefan's ring put in her bag, but he declines. Elena informs Caroline that they've run out of towels. Caroline goes to get more towels, but sees a vision of Damon in the hallway. Elena, running the cash table, serves the man who confronted Stefan at the Grill, and he reveals that he stayed at the Salvatore Boarding House and met Stefan in June, 1953, after Stefan's uncle Joseph was killed by an "animal" in the woods. Elena is deeply disturbed by the conversation, and questions Stefan on whether there are other Salvatores in Mystic Falls. He lies and says that everyone has just drifted away, but mentions Zach.
- Nina Dobrev as Elena Gilbert
- Paul Wesley as Stefan Salvatore
- Ian Somerhalder as Damon Salvatore
- Steven R. McQueen as Jeremy Gilbert
- Sara Canning as Jenna Sommers
- Katerina Graham as Bonnie Bennett
- Candice Accola as Caroline Forbes
- Zach Roerig as Matt Donovan
- Kayla Ewell as Vicki Donovan
- Michael Trevino as Tyler Lockwood (credit only)
- Chris Johnson as Logan Fell
- Chris William Martin as Zach Salvatore
- Marguerite MacIntyre as Elizabeth Forbes
- Jasmine Guy as Sheila Bennett
- Antagonist: Damon Salvatore
- Elena realizes that Stefan is not human in this episode.
- Vampires need to feed fairly often; in less than a fortnight, a vampire under the influence of vervain will become a living mummy.
- When enticed or hungered by the smell of blood (or even just angered enough, Pilot) vampires' fangs extend, the whites of their eyes darken to a dark, blood-red color, and the veins around the eyes become raised and more apparent.
- Damon still has power over Caroline in his weakened state, even though they were a far distance away from each other. This caused her to see him in the mirror as well as a crow appearing at her windowsill before leading her to the Salvatore house and freeing him. This is a power that isn't demonstrated again, at least as of season 4.
- Bonnie causes the hose to backfire on Tiki after she insulted someone at the car wash. Grams told her in Fool Me Once that their emotions fuel their powers. Bonnie was angered by Tiki's behavior, triggering her powers.
- The stone in the Salvatore rings (as well as all daylight rings/amulets) is Lapis Lazuli.
- Caroline is no longer wearing scarves around her neck in this episode; it is assumed that this is because Damon had been dosed with vervain and locked up in the cellar, unable to feed on her.
- Damon kills Zach in this episode. After Zach's death, any vampire is able to enter the Salvatore Boarding House without permission.
- This episode marks Vicki's last appearance as a human.
- Logan is related to the reporter Franklin Fell, who reported the 1953 'animal attack' that killed Joseph Salvatore.
- Logan steals the Gilbert pocketwatch/compass from Jeremy's room this episode.
- The crystal that Damon took from the Lockwood home in Family Ties projects a pentagram when light is shined through it. It is revealed by Grams that it belonged to Emily Bennett, their ancestor, and it was her talisman, which is a very powerful tool for witches.
- This episode had 3.52 million viewers in the USA.
- Tyler does not appear in this episode.
- It is also the first episode he doesn't appear in on the series.
- This episode started three days since the end of Family Ties.
- Stefan: "During the Dark Ages when a vampire's actions threatened to expose or bring harm upon the entire race they would face judgment."
- Damon: "You know what will happen if I don't feed on blood."
- Stefan: "You'll grow weaker and weaker and eventually you won't be able to move or speak. In a week your skin will desiccate and you'll mummify, a living corpse. Unable to hurt anyone. Ever."
- Damon: "So what you're just going to keep me in the basement forever."
- Damon: "I'm stronger than you think."
- Stefan: "You always have been. But you're not stronger than the vervain."
- Jeremy: "I'm a drug using delinquent. Girl in bed doesn't really rank. Sorry."
- Elena: "Jenna, are you aware of what's going on upstairs."
- Jenna: "Uh huh."
- Elena: "And you have no objection?"
- Jenna: "He could be craftier about it."
- Jenna: "Have you heard from Stefan?"
- Elena: "Not since he left that very vague message three days ago. (mimics Stefan's voice) Hi, um, Elena, I, um, I have something I have to do, I'll, uh, explain in a few days."
- Stefan (to Zach): "I came here to live a life, it's about time I get back to that. And Elena, if she's still speaking to me."
- Zach (about lying to Elena): "You came back here because you wanted to live as normal a life as you could. You knew this was going to be part of it."
- Caroline: "It's like there's holes in my memory lately, it's just...weird."
- Caroline: "The Sexy Suds Car Wash is tomorrow. The football team and the band have committed. Well, not all the band. Just the ones who can pull off a bikini."
- Stefan: "I was dealing with Damon."
- Elena: "And did you? Deal with Damon?"
- Stefan: "Yes."
- Elena: "For four days?"
- Caroline: "Stefan, where's Damon? He's got some serious apologizing to do."
- Stefan: "He's gone, Caroline."
- Caroline: "When's he coming back?"
- Stefan: "He's not coming back."
- Zach: "I'm full of vervain. I've been putting it in my coffee for 16 years."
- Damon: "I don't guess I could talk you into bringing me a rabbit or something? I'd settle for Stefan's diet at this point."
- Damon: "You're like your grandfather. He didn't like it when I came to visit either."
- Zach: "You don't visit, Damon. You appear unannounced."
- Damon: "Someone has to mow the lawn."
- Matt: "Yeah, I'm not going to lie. Your brother and my sister, that's weird."
- Matt (about what Stefan's hiding): "Like what? That he's a serial killer and keeps a clown suit in his trunk?"
- Matt (about Stefan): "He's great at football, he's a bit of a loner and, as much as I hate saying it... he might be a nice guy."
- Elena: "Don't you get it? Every question gets a vague, non-answer."
- Tiki's Grandfather (to Stefan): "I know you."
- Tiki's Grandfather (to Stefan): "You haven't aged a day."
- Logan (to Sheriff Forbes about tracking the vampires): "Well someone who comes out only at night should eventually become obvious."
- Jenna (to Logan): "You have an hour. Make it count."
- Jeremy: "Don't answer a question with another question."
- Stefan: "Jeremy told me that chicken Parmesan is one of your favorites and I happen to be a good cook. Italian roots demand it."
- Stefan: "I figure if you're going to dump me, you should at least know who you're dumping."
- Stefan: "So let's start with Katherine. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever met. She had this perfect olive skin. And she had this laugh; it was ridiculous, her laugh made you laugh. And she was fun, she knew how to have a good time but Katherine was also very impatient and entitled and selfish and impulsive. Enter Damon. He claims that he was with her first. I don't know. I do know I did some things that I'm not proud of and my biggest regret is not being able to make it right before she died. I miss her, but I'm no longer crippled by her loss."
- Vicki: "I really hope you're not one of those guys that now that we're together tries to change everything about me."
- Stefan: "I'm an avid reader, huge Fitzgerald fan, The Great Gatsby is a masterpiece, but I'm no snob. I love some good Grisham. I think Seinfeld is the best American television show of the past fifty years but I Love Lucy is the all time, the Loving Cup episode is the best. Huge Scorsese fan. I can watch Taxi Driver over and over again. As far as music it's pretty much across the board. Dylan, Hendrix, Patsy, Willy, little Kanye, you know what; I even like that one Miley song."
- Stefan: "Are you kidding? I love garlic."
- Elena: '"'I think that my paranoia has turned into full blown hallucinations."
- Caroline (about the car wash): "We are going for "stripper pole" vibe this year."
- Damon: "I bet your feeling pretty good about yourself aren't you?"
- Stefan: "Not particularly."
- Damon: "You won. You got the bad guy. Now nothing can come between you and Elena. Except the truth."
- Stefan: "The beauty of you in there and me out here is that I can walk away."
- Bonnie (after seeing Matt watching Stefan and Elena): "Uh-uh, no. Not of that tortured pining stuff."
- Matt: "I'm just observing."
- Logan: "Do you remember the last time we were in the school parking lot?"
- Jenna: "Nope, doesn't ring a bell."
- Logan: "Really?"
- Jenna: "Nope, nada. Especially not having sex in the minivan."
- Elena (about the rings): "I noticed Damon has one too. Is there a story behind it?"
- Stefan: "Yeah, it's the family crest from the Italian Renaissance."
- Damon: "Caroline, help me."
- Tiki's Grandfather: "When I first moved here I stayed at the Salvatore boarding house. Stefan was just passing through to visit his uncle. I mean none of us even knew he was here until the attack. His uncle was killed. Mauled by an animal in the woods."
- Elena: "His uncle, Zach?"
- Tiki's Grandfather: "Joseph."
- Elena: "I'm sorry sir, I'm not familiar with the story."
- Tiki's Grandfather: "Well how could you? This happened years ago."
- Elena: "I realized earlier I didn't know your family was from Italy."
- Stefan: "Really? Last name Salvatore didn't do it for you?"
- Vicki: "Welcome to my other favorite party place."
- Bonnie: "It's a carwash; by definition the pavement's clean."
- Logan: "Can you believe there's actual news to cover in this town?"
- Tony: "Vicki brought the party police."
- Vicki: "You're the kid with the big house who's acting out because his parents died. Guess what? You'll get over it. You'll pull yourself together, move on and one day tell your kids stories about your dark period growing up. And I'll still be here, waiting tables at the Grill, partying at the cemetery with a bunch of "waste of space small town lifers."
- Matt (to Stefan about Elena): "She's big on trust. So whatever you're holding back from her, the more you try to hide it the more she won't stop until she figures it out."
- Caroline: "Mom. If I want to talk boys I'll call dad. At least he's successfully dating one."
- Bonnie: "I don't know what's happening to me."
- Elena (to Stefan): "What are you?"